Tag Archives: love

A letter to nobody: Revel in her perfect imperfections

Dearest Nobody!

Let me be very honest about it and let me say it all loud and clear!

You defy your feelings. You deny your love. You hoodwink yourself let alone the entire universe. And it is rather alarming.

You are half dead and it pains me. You live but you are living in denial. And I find it cringeworthy.

You keep trying to find an escape. In vain. From yourself. From every object around you.

From everything that has life. From everything that lacks it.

I know you love her. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be around. Pursuing her. Despite failing at it badly.

Because you are sure that she is a meaningful pursuit rather than just another disposable pleasure.

And you are afraid. For, she is a pursuit that never consummates. She won’t last forever.

You might as well, my dearest one, for her may just be a passing fancy.

Things change. Priorities change. Separation ensues. Distances grow.

Inevitability of change plays its part. Forgetfulness takes its toll.

But remember! Just because something doesn’t last forever doesn’t mean it loses it luster and diminishes its worth. And you totally understand that.

People part and they move on. That’s life. People come and people go, in and out of your life. That’s how it works. Because life goes on, you know, right?

Years lapse by. However, deep within, there is still a part of you that she cohabits.

Memories become your solace. And memories haunt too.

That is exactly when you understand the value of memory.

That is exactly when you understand the idea of immortality of events.

You understand eternity.

When in love, you are in no condition to distinguish between the right and wrong.

And that’s totally human.

And you find no flaws but only virtue.

You overlook all the scars and merely see perfection and grace.

She casts every ray of awareness upon your love for her, the moment you lay your eyes on her.

She casts spells over your mind even during the moments when she is out of sight.

She may not be the perfect personification of beauty. But she is beautiful nevertheless. In her own way.

Like you are saying now and you have said it before.

Nothing looks prettier than her pretty pointed nose and seductively smoggy eyes and sugary smiling lips and slender silvery neck.

And she is full of whims.

You never knew before meeting her that the whims could be as delightful and exciting too.

Imagine loving someone to the level that her caprice starts to sound cute and seem comely.

She is a wild creature.

And there is something beautiful about her wildness, right?

And she is weak. And she is vulnerable.

And she doesn’t even wear false pretensions of power and resilience.

And she is dangerously honest about her vulnerabilities.

And she is a free soul. Isn’t that lovely?

What floors you most is her completeness, and her craving for freedom and her longing for perfection.

Times have left its marks on her mind and scars over her soul.

Know that she was destroyed before.

She needs pampering. Treat her with care  and kindness and vigilance.

If she decides to be with you my dearest one, she will do it with all her entirety. Know this now and know this well.

Know that she will have to step over her fears and insecurities to be with you.

And fears don’t fade away in a wink of an eye.

They take time. Give her time.

If she loves you and respects you and entrusts you with an opportunity, treasure it with all your heart and soul.

Don’t ever let her down.

Know her. Read from the pages of her life.

Spend every moment with her as if it were your first. And last.

Be present. Physically and emotionally. And read.

She comes with an emotional baggage. Share it.

Strive to stimulate her thoughts and her emotions.

Plunge into her soul like you will dive into an ocean.

Know this that her love and existence will heal every part of you.

But remember this. Don’t try to fix her. Ever.

She doesn’t need fixing.

She is complete with all her pieces – which could, might as well, be scattered.

Just don’t try to mend her.

Don’t ever treat her like she were a broken woman.

Let her past scars and marks be!

You should just not be the one to inflict more upon her.

She would want to undress her soul in front of you and be utterly herself.

She wants you to look at her like every woman would want to be looked at!

Give her all of you so she could give you all of her.

Revel in her perfect imperfections.

Build her up. Uplift her.

And enjoy the art of reciprocation.

Talk to her about the stars and moon and sun and oceans and entire galaxies and all that is beautiful out there.

Treat her right. Respect her. Protect her.

Allow her the privilege of privacy. Trust her.

Appreciate her.

And last but not the least, give her all of you so she could give you all of her.

Revel in her perfect imperfections…

Yours truly

‘Someone out there’

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Ramz رمز – an enigma 

Ramz ۔ رمز yeah right, that’s her name. Ramz is a Public Policy expert. She writes on topics pertaining to health and education policy.

She is the beauty personified; pretty eyes, pointed nose, and chubby cheeks. But that’s not what she is popular in her circle for.

She inspires people with her unique intellect, soft and composed tone, and sophisticated demeanour. Her impressive mannerism makes her a model of magnanimity and grace.

Ramz has been waiting for her date over that table.

The love of her life who she has been dating for three years. She plans to have babies with him. A girl and two boys. Girl first, of course.

Wedding date is being fixed. October 13th this month.

Soon after the wedding, the newly-wed couple leaves for their honeymoon to Maldives. For four nights and five days. With two days transit stay in Dubai.

She has bought her wedding dress. A golden colour costume with silver-studded beads over the red dupatta.

While taking yet another sip of her tea, she turns to look at her watch to see it’s 5.30 and realises he is late. The date was at 5.00.

He is late. That’s totally unlike him. He hates people who get late for no reason.

She gets worried. Takes her cellphone and makes a call. He doesn’t respond. She wonders, it must have been traffic. For, he makes sure every time they meet each other, that he is there to welcome her. Well before time.

She gets nervous. Takes her cellphone again and calls him. He doesn’t respond, again. 

To cope up with her rising worry and anxiety, Ramz opens an app and starts scrolling down her timeline.

Ramz has no idea. She is totally unaware.

Ramz is oblivious of the fact while glaring at the entrance and waiting for him, that on route from his office to the restaurant, a car met a deadly accident.

A racing bus hit the car. And boom. The young man inside the car bled, lost consciousness and was rushed to the nearby hospital.

The man succumbed to the wounds he never wanted and declared dead. An unforeseen and sudden death that he never deserved. Destiny wanted him dead.

And the poor girl Ramz, there she is… sitting lonely at the goddamn unfortunate table at one end of the restaurant.

Still scrolling through her timeline. Anticipating his arrival. Waiting for him. In vain. Unaware. 

Taking her last sip of the tea that is no longer hot. Oblivious of the fact that she has been waiting a never-ending wait. She hasn’t had even the slightest idea that he drove from his office to never finish his journey. 

He left to see her but she would never see him again. Until eternity. He shall never come.

Fate never favoured his return. Fate never wanted her to see him again.

Ramz waits anyway…

  1. **inspired by a sketch/doodle made by a friend.

Damsel in distress

Serene environs.

Silence broken by the gushing water

falling down the rocks…

amidst green, secluded space,

stands the damsel in distress…

Unperturbed by the chaos in the vicinity,

un-amused by all the beauty at her doorsteps.

Fighting some futile tireless mind-battles,

over-stressed. Ungrateful.

Oblivious of all the gifts.


State of denial

Do you know what is worse than losing someone you love or excruciatingly more painful than living in piercing pain?

It’s the state of denial. It’s convincing yourself to shut up every time you feel like you must speak up. It’s the fear of losing a bigger war, losing something of someone that you already have in hand in pursuit of what you may never have, and trying is all but in vain.

It’s actually all that “may not/might not” which is for sure worse than anything else.

It takes months and years to try and create someone like you out of the words like dreams and desires and magic and prayers and lights and fire.

And it takes seconds to seeing it all soaring away disappearing into dust and vanishing like vapor and dispersing into mist.

You put me in some real fix. I want to secretly admire you staying like a distant dream from afar while simultaneously yelling every single thing I love about you right into your face.

I want to perch on your mind and flow in your veins running with your blood and web on your nerves leaving no space for anybody else and stay in your eyes for good but at the same time aspire and choose to be an insignificant bystander; one you may never know if ever existed at all. Fighting a battle of should or should not.

My condition is no different from the man who believes to have started world war four with his feet because they can’t take him to his loved one and because he already had the third with his head.

I am fighting many battles in my head already, and losing; from nobody but myself. And I don’t want to lose on a bigger front. Hence, choosing to shut up every time I feel like, I must speak up.


No I am not in love

No I am not in love with you. I don’t even know what it is to be in love. Because if ever I were, I would simply act normal, reach over to you, express it and that’s it. End of story, right?

No I don’t believe in “if you try to possess them, you lose them, like forever.” If ever, I were to fall in love with you, I would never lose my mind, for sure.

No I don’t think about you all day long. Even in the mornings when I wake up, you are not on my mind, like totally. When heading for work, all I think about on my way is absolutely not you. Entirely not.

Throughout the day even during any single assignment, I never even attempt making beautifully broken, unclear, blurred images of what you might be doing or thinking, and interestingly never even had a second thought about texting and asking the same for like million times a day. Not even once.

While having a cup of tea, I have never even had a single thought about calling you over for the company. During lunch I am preoccupied in food, why should I even let my mind wander around hallucinating and sharing my meal with you? I definitely don’t.

I don’t think about you for real, even for a single second, not even for mere mili-micro-nano-picoseconds. It hasn’t even occurred to me for once in so many days now that everything is not as it used to be.

No I don’t spend sleepless nights oft times. No I do not dream about the valleys and moons, and swans and sunsets. I am no day-dreaming at all, for like innumerable days. No I don’t even spare my single moment thinking about it for as long as I can remember.

I don’t even reflect on your smoggy, spell-binding, dreamy eyes or adorably fascinating smile. Why should I? Why would I even get into all this dramatic, filmy and unreal stuff, utterly unnecessary rites, and pointlessly worldly, illogical and irrational rituals?

No I am not in love with you, you get it? And no I am not lying, you hear it? I am not lying. I am definitely not lying. And you know that.


The moon, the sun, the ocean, the moon and I

Sometimes, you have no idea whatsoever of how a simple conversation with one of your very good friends would turn into something like this. It all started with a “Kese ho? Hua kia he? [How are you? What has happened?]” and here is what followed; a dialogue on a force that binds and the irony of being.

Me: Kese ho? Hua kia he? [How are you? What has happened?]

Mira: I’m fine. Nai muje kuch nahi hua. Kyun? [No. Nothing has happened to me. Why?]

Me: Matlab [I mean] why are you so down?

Mira: How do you know?

Me: Aiwen ee, I know. Konsi sochain hen? [Oh forget it. I know. What’s on your mind?]

Mira: Ever heard of a Rumi’s quote that I love:

“Anyone who knows me should learn to know me again. For, I am like a moon. You will see me with a new face every day.”

Samjho moon ka abhi crescent phase hai. Wese he. Random sochen. Tanhai mode. Nothing much. [Suppose, it’s just a crescent phase of the moon. Just anyway. Random thoughts. Seclusion mode. Nothing much.]

Me: But crescent is just a display for the world. In reality, the moon is always moon. Splendid. Unique. Beautiful and whole.

Mira: This is yet again what’s usually on display. In real, it’s hollow empty with no light of its own.

Me: Find your sun then. The moon is never hollow by the way.

Mira: A borrowed light is never your own. Once it’s full and bright. Next is full darkness.

Me: Even when it reflects no light during the day, it looks unusually beautiful.

Mira: It’s the light of the sun that makes it “the moon”. What a pity. Had he not been there, the moon would have gone in oblivion.

Me: What if the sun might be craving to lend some light? And feel blessed and endowed for the companionship. And the bond may be a favor to sun rather than the moon herself.

Mira: The sun is never alone. He has lots of moons at his mercy. Each conferred with his light and each thinks [ironically, that] it complements the sun.

Me: Oblivion is inevitable, one thing. The sun and the moon we talk about complement each other. No second moon I have ever seen around. The details will get us lost into the Milky Way and multi-million galaxies. No?

Mira: The sun has a whole galaxy for him [at his disposal]. The moon is just a figment in the illusion of being bethroned. Yeah it will. I can go on forever because I don’t know what I’m talking about.

Me: The sun still shares intimacy with the moon despite all those more significantly huge stars in the galaxy the sun boasts of. The kinship they share has no parallel. The cronyism is just perfect.

Mira: Don’t you think an ocean complements moon better? At least moon doesn’t need a benefactor here. And feel powerful. With nothing borrowed.

Me: They make each other look beautiful yeah. Love triangle.

Mira: Ocean mighty and arrogant. And moon helps him to become what he wants to be. An affinity unparalleled.

Me: I so much wanted to oppose this just for the sake of it. But I am so much in love with the ocean that I couldn’t.

Mira: I just love the independence and the uniqueness of this relationship. Mysterious and play full on equal grounds.

Me: The moon makes him [the ocean] look powerfully pretty; and the sun its accomplice. This calls for an idea of interconnectedness.

Mira: The sun just lends reflection to give moon a face. The ocean lets the moon exert her own little force to make her feel powerful.

Me: Individuals, separate, deserted, oblivious, dark, bright powerful or powerless. All interdependent. One complementing and complimenting the other.

Mira: It all ends where necessity ends and complementing each other begins.

Me: Nobody does the other any favor. They just are what they are. And still complement each other. “And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth, “You owe me.” Look what happens with love like that. It lights up the sky.” [Hafez]

Mira: Sun loves to own. His throne is the galaxy with thousands of his moons but will never tolerate another sun. This is what the moon tries to get from the sea.

Me: The sun never tells the moon that she owes. Neither does moon. Does moon ever tell the ocean that she makes the otherwise dull and dead existence of ocean awesome and majestic? They just stay the way they are. Powerful, majestically beautiful yet humble, always.

They just cherish each others’ company ever since the times immemorial and shall keep doing so until an eternity.

Mira: Certain things are never told. Every time the moon has to get lost in oblivion, it knows it’s reduced to nothing. Then it’s exalted before being pushed again into darkness. The sun has his ways to tell. How unfair! Never lets the poor moon forget that he still owns her.

Me: There is a reason behind this humility. The sun knows its limits. It knows it has nothing unique about him, and that it’s just another star in a constellation of millions of other galaxies.

He has no reason to be vain. He has just got some set rules to follow and the moon is bound by birth programmed to disappear.

Mira: Then maybe moon does to the ocean what sun does to moon? To feel power, strength and independence? Is this the irony of being?

Me: Interconnectedness is what keeps them going. Kinship is what makes them special.

Mira: This kinship is what binds them. With poor moon sandwiched between the two lol

Me: [laughs] I believe, the sun and the ocean both die for the moon. Such is her grace and beauty and light. The light of the moon is more beautiful than the light of the sun. It’s the same light though. But it’s the fiery touch of the moon that makes it magical, soothing.

When the same is exclusive, nobody even dares to look at it, abhor it, shifts eyes to avoid its mere sight. The moon makes it soothing.

Mira: This is the reason why the moon survived for thousands of years. The idea of being loved despite all the painful phases she has to go through.

Me: See we come to the conclusion that moon makes light of the sun watch-worthy and makes the ocean look majestic. And is still an object of love, desire and envy.

Mira: Lol At last. If that gives enough reason to the moon to forget her own vulnerabilities.

Me: Nobody is free from vulnerabilities; even the indefatigable and infallible sun or the mighty ocean. The idea is to survive with vulnerabilities. And survive beautifully, gracefully.

And I’m surprised and awe-struck at same time to know that the moon turns her vulnerabilities to make them look most coveted traits.

Mira: True. Maybe these vulnerabilities are what making it look beautiful to both of them. Making them realize their strength? Giving them sense of being?

Me: A big No. It complements them both. The sun light all by itself is a nuisance, an irritation, pain. An ocean without moonlight is dull and dark.

Just look at how in a full moon the ocean exerts all his force just to touch her [the moon] for even once by creating the longest currents possible. In vain though. The moon for him is but a desire. Unmet. Unrealized.

Mira: The moon might complement them but she herself survives on them. Complete dependence on sun and self-assurance from moon. This is what makes it less equal. I just wish the moon remains moon even if the sun changes his mind.

That’s what makes moon feel powerful. Somewhere to mirror what the sun does to her. The fuller the moon the more enraged the ocean gets due to his helplessness. This is what is so appealing to the moon.

Me: Nobody owes none, I repeat. The moon is still the most coveted. Still the best of the three despite all its imperfections and vulnerabilities. And it’s not just the sun and ocean, I got a feeling I am in love with the moon too.

It has no match. It’s simply perfect with all its imperfections.

Mira: Haha. So lucky! The moon has a third contender lol.

Me: An admirer. Not a contender.

Like they have lived for millions of years, you see. They must be generous enough to accept the forth one too. If they were contenders, life would be hell you know.

Mira: Maybe that’s why they are still alone. And maybe that makes this whole thing going on and on and on since times immemorial.

Me: And maybe that is why love is still lasting. Kahin parha tha [had once read] love has nothing to do with keeping those you love around.

Mira: True. If moon rejoins any of them, it will result in its own end. Moon is so coveted because it’s alone and mysterious.

Me: And that love is a kind of a link between two souls that makes them blossom. The full blossoming asks for that link to be severed.

Mira: While both the sun and the ocean will remain. Might fall for some star.

Me: Now that must be painful. It always is. Imagine anything getting severed.

Mira: True. I think love thrives in separation.

Me: The idea of love is to take one beyond the realm of separation.

How about some assumptions? What if the sun and ocean never fall for any other star?

Mira: It has to be in the soul. Not in essence.

Me: Quite possible. Love that is not linked with soul is mere preoccupation, pretext. Illusion.

Mira: The sun will remain the king of millions of other moons, while the ocean might just get gloomy at times. Isn’t it the moon which has to pay the biggest price?

Me: “If moon rejoins any of them, it will result in its own end.” Right?

Mira: Maybe that’s why it chooses to stay alone. Knowing that the same admirers are very capable of its destruction.

Me: Not necessarily. It can result in consummation too. Resulting in the one whole and united. Perfection maybe.

Mira: But the identity of the moon will be gone forever. Self annihilation is always in the fate of moon.

Me: When the parts meet, the whole exists. It’s not necessarily the annihilation. The rainbow is one despite having seven colors.

Mira: Rainbow is the new being. All part of the magic. The sun will never accept a new identity at the cost of his own. While the ocean is not capable of making anything new. Everyone chooses the moon to sacrifice.

Me: And by the way, let’s not confuse love with possession. The later is ‘wajibul-qatl’ [kill -worthy]

Mira: [laughs] Sometimes the ways of the world tie the toe and the rest of us end up searching for love in the later.

Me: Consummation of souls and existence is important. When souls consummate, the existence gets elevated, nobody perishes.

Mira: That’s hard in practice.

Me: Hard is not synonymous with the impossible. Love that asks for sacrifice is no love at all. Love empowers.

Mira: Rare is the word. Very low chances. Till then shine like a moon lol

Me: Always shine like a moon. True love parts its ways when feels like casting shadows rather than light.

Mira: Remember, the moon still doesn’t leave her sun even in the shadows to keep things going. This is how it’s expected of her.

Me: We have a scenario; ‘true love parting ways to keep her beloved shining and in return isn’t let go of by the beloved.’ Isn’t that perfection?

One forsaking for love. And the other committed companion holding onto love no matter what. Despite all odds.

Mira: Right. Once the moon learns that this is an exclusive special bond between the two, it might even head for its own annihilation of self into the sun.

But it knows, it’s not “the one” but one of many.

Me: haha perfect. Here we had been talking about adding celestial bodies into the solar system. And the astronauts discovered two more planets in the Solar system. How did they find out that we were discussing the same? Wasn’t that quick?

Mira: That shows, the sun plays its cards quite well. Jabhi moon ne ek option rakha hua hai ocean ka. [That is exactly why the moon keeps its option of the ocean open]

Me: [laughs] The moon is a loyal companion. The sun loves only her. The ocean is their rendezvous. All other stars and planets are mere translations. Truce? *winks*

By the way, let alone these two more newly found planets and multi-million other bodies being part of the sun, the relation that the sun shares with moon, such a beautiful relation can be shared by none.

Mira: Perhaps that is why it’s still going.

Me: And shall keep going. Until an eternity. Never together yet never separated.

Mira: That is the beauty of it.

Me: So Consummation of souls is possible, right?

Mira: Of souls, yes. Otherwise I doubt the other one which DH Lawrence calls “star equilibrium” in “Women in Love”

Me: Agreed. Ab tension ko maro goli, ‘melancholy me’ ke badle ‘toofani me’ bano. [Kill tension. Be a “stormy-me rather than a melancholy-me”]

Mira: Wo bhi phase ayega. Coming soon. [That phase shall come too. Soon] We all women are like moon. Our phases. So it’s natural in a way. There are reasons to denote moon with feminine traits.

Me: But moon is never melancholy. Is it?

Mira: Each one is different. Andhery raat k baad chodhvy ke chand ki trhan chamakte bhi hyn hum. [We shine too like a full moon after an eclipsed one]

Me: Is that why I have always loved the moon? Feminine traits?

Mira: Maybe. I always loved moon myself. The moon is my ascendant anyway

Me: Yeah. It’s beautiful. Let me reiterate, and magical. I love it even more now.

Mira: So do I; feeling more kinship towards it now.

Me: Exactly. Now we have the moon, the sun, the ocean, the moon and I.

Mira: Lol. Lots of friends we made today, already.

Me: Lots of unfailing friends. Hope to keep them for good.

Mira: Don’t worry. They’ll outlive us. They are free from time and space and mundane affairs.

Me: Point. They’re free. We’re not. We’re who the trouble lies with. Mortal. Short-lived.

(To be continued)


Kimya – into the oblivion

Kimya, oblivious of what was coming next, fell in love and fell in love with, God knows how to explain and/or personify, the inexplicable. The object of her love was brighter and fierier than the sun; grace more than that of the moonlight and charm as good as that of stars. Kimya’s mortal self, in contrast, was as humble as a setting sun, a fast disappearing new moon visible for a quick run and/or stars amidst clouds hiding. Despite a contrast being as shocking one, the setting sun vanishes leaving a hope of rising again, the new moon of becoming full, and the stars of getting rid of the clouds and attaining the similar lost attention. Kimya’s ascent and zenith meant, with the beloved, a perfect union.